Friends Don’t Let Friends Get Uneven Tans
We’ve all seen them before. Some of us have even been victims. The pale forehead, the pasty-elmer’s-glue shoulders, and the white-as-ivory feet are dead giveaways. The evil that I speak of is the dreaded golf tan. While not as bad as a sunburn, the golf tan is still a distinctly awful type of tan, only matched in terribleness by its brother-from-another-mother, the “farmer’s tan”. While Tanny obviously hasn’t had one of these types of tans, being the paradigm of “TAN-liness” that he is, old Tanny has been playing a lot of golf lately and he understands how others might struggle maintaining an even tan while spending so much time on the course.
So for all you golfers out there, don’t be scared. Tanny’s got some all-natural tanning tips to help ensure you stay out of the bronzing bunker and get a hole-in-one quality tan out there on the course!
Stewart Cink’s horrific golf tan. This is the bronzing bunker.
Tip #1: Spray Yourself Down to Stay Nice & Brown
Whoa! What should I be spraying myself down with, Tanny? Well tan-fan, it sure as heck ain’t honey mustard!
If you’re going to be spending, on average, four hours outside, it’s an absolute must to wear sunscreen during your round. Make sure to pack extra in your golf bag for your buddies and so that you can reapply after sweating. I mean, when you break out the sunscreen, you’ll be even more popular than the guy that smuggled a few brewskies onto the course!
One pro-tip, don’t forget sunscreen (or a wide brim hat) to protect your ears. I’d much rather wear a dorky hat or some sunscreen than have one of these guys growing on my ear when I’m 60.
That don’t look like no hearin’ aid to me!
If you want to see some more gnarly picture of ear skin cancers, just google it, or check out the skin site here.
Tip #2: No Shirt, No Golf Tan, No Problem
Golfing with no shirt on? This can’t be true. Well think again there friend, because select courses around the world actually embrace the idea of shirtless golf. Just peep what Golf Digest had to say about the golfers pictured below at Wailua Municipal Golf Course in Kauai, Hawaii.
Shirtless Golf…it’s a real thing!
Now all you’ve got to do is worry about that glove! I mean, Michael Jackson pulled it off, so why can’t old Tanny?
Tip #3: Get a Follow-Up Tan
While shirtless golf might be the ultimate solution, not all courses offer it. So what’s a tan person supposed to do? The answer…a follow-up tan, silly! Reduce the tan lines you’re bound to get by planning a follow-up activity at a pool, beach, lake, or any other location that fosters minimal clothing.
Really, who doesn’t like to sip a cold one at the pool after a round of golf!? It’s somewhat difficult to find pictures of dudes wearing bathing suits playing golf on the internet, but women wearing bikinis was no problem. Apparently there was even a show about it!
Who knew there was a short lived show called “Bikini Golf”!?
Have fun out there on the links, and as always…Tan Responsibly my friends!
Sincerely,
Tanny Mangino
Hey Tanny,
This leads me to a different question. My son referees soccer games on the weekends, and sometimes the glare of the sun really gets to his eyes. He doesn’t want to wear shades because of the dreaded “ghost eyes” look that results. Any suggestions?
Nole Fan in Dacula, GA
Well Nole Fan in Dacula Georgia,
Tell your son that he should wear his shades regardless of whether he’s going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost or not! Old Tanny reccomends having a rotation of a few different styles of shades so you can even out that glasses tan! Of course, old Tanny loves his Oakleys, and has a permanent tan line across the bridge of his nose, but it’s better to have a tan line on your nose than on your cornea. Whoa!
Tan Responsibly,
Tanny Mangino a.k.a. “Mr. All-Natural Tan 2016”